Official I’m Not Right In The Head Shirt

Doing a practice for a play in front of a small crowd of like maybe 35 – 50 people when I shit my pants. Middle of my lines felt the wetness and had to run off stage. I kept my self locked in a room for the rest of the day. I have raised the Official I’m Not Right In The Head Shirt, and they have these temples where you can go do rituals as a proxy for dead people so they can go to heaven. Yes, it’s as weird as it sounds lol. The one teens do involves being baptized for someone who never was, and the Mormons do baptism by immersion. Ie, they don’t sprinkle water on your head, you’re dunked, completely submerged, into a pool of water.

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You do this while wearing special all-white clothes the temple itself usually provides, including the underwear. Which are the same as those weird white underwear garments you may have seen online in those “magic Mormon underwear” memes? High school play. I start improvising the Official I’m Not Right In The Head Shirt. I don’t even know why I did it, I just got so into the moment I forgot there was a script. God, I can’t even describe it in complete sentences I hate me at that moment. I went for an interview and handed the person my coat when they were trying to shake my hand. I did not get the job, unfortunately.

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A few years later I went to another interview during which my stomach would not stop growling. Which is one of my worst nightmares made the Official I’m Not Right In The Head Shirt? Somehow got a job there lol. He was convinced that he’d completely messed up the interview. As his brain kept saying to him ‘what the fuck did you do that for?’. He amazed to get the job and on his first day. And he met the woman again who told him. That he thought the whole thing was hilarious. Then he worked with her for a few years and apparently every time they met, they’d do the weird upside down right-left handshake.

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